Regretful Love
by remuslover101
Summary: She regretted it immediately. From the moment his face turned red and he began stuttering she knew she had made a grave mistake. Tonks and Remus ponder over the moment that changed their relationship.
1. Tonks

**{A/N:I know I should continue with the other story that I promised to update 103059406 years ago but I've hit a block already and I really wanted to write about this. Obviously I don't own Harry Potter}**

You regretted it immediately. From the moment his face turned red and he began stuttering you knew you had made a grave mistake. But you just couldn't help yourself; he looked so angry at Sirius and so hurt that you might like him better that the frustrated words just tumbled uncontrollably out of your mouth.  
"You'd know perfectly well who I've fallen for, if you weren't too busy feeling sorry for yourself to notice"  
The words had stood suspended in mid-air for a few moments and you fought to keep your hair it's happy shade of bubble-gum pink. Then his face turned bright red and suddenly he was looking away from you, stuttering incoherently and struggling to form his thoughts into words.  
You had been too harsh, that much was a fact. You hadn't meant to tell him to stop feeling sorry for himself, after all he had more than enough reason to do so, and you just expected him to be able to tell who you liked. After all you never kept your feelings hidden, you'd sit next to him during every order meeting and go out of your way to make conversation with him, You'd tip toe silently, as silently as one could in Ministry approved foot gear, into his bedroom after the full moon to make sure that he was okay, bringing him cups of hot chocolate and a bright smile to prove what he meant to you. Yet he was blind, struck stupid by the notion that he simply didn't deserve love and that no one would be foolish enough to fall in love with a werewolf.  
You had been that foolish, but he wasn't just a werewolf to you. His smile made your day brighter and you craved those moments when he'd let down his guard enough to joke and be silly with you and Sirius. He was kind and compassionate and gentle, caring about so much and get getting so little in return. He bewitched you with his intelligence and transfixed you with his soft hoarse voice and you didn't stand a chance against him. He wasn't like the other men you'd dated. He wasn't covered piercings or tattoos to make himself look bigger and brighter than he was, he put intelligence over the size of girls boobs and had never once asked you if you could look like one of the models from Witch Weekly, something that had happened only too often. You knew he wouldn't ask you change, ever, that he loved everyone just the way they were and it made your heart melt just thinking about it.  
He had become one of your best friends in the long months you'd known each other, you'd tell him everything and in turn he'd divulge some of his darkest secrets that he'd never told anyone else but Sirius. His company was one that brought with it laughter and tales of old times and hope for the future and you loved it. But you might have ruined that now.  
"Remus?" you asked quietly, unsure of what to say. He still didn't answer.  
You were sure he loved you back. He suggested you work together on so many things and looked after you when you were sick that time. His gentle hands made you endless cups of tea and his lined face cracked into an adorable smile as he listened to you rant about the ministry. He blushed when you kissed him at Christmas when encountered with mistletoe, and you frequently caught him gazing in your direction. Even Sirius had stopped his mopping long enough to realise what was going on.

Confused and upset you watched a bug as it steadily climbs a leaf, before falling back down to the ground and resolutely starting again.  
"Tonks … I…" you looked up hurriedly and watched as he opened and closed his mouth a few times, desperate now to find the words. "I don't know what you're talking about"  
then he was silent and you could feel your heart suddenly become heavier, sinking down your chest.

**{****A/N :****thanks for reading, please review and make my day, I might make this into possibly a two shot with Remus' point of view depending on if you think that's a good idea}**


	2. Remus

**{A/N:I got some nice reviews for this yesterday and several people said they wanted to read Remus' side, so hear it is. I don't own Harry Potter}**

You regretted it the moment you said it. The moment the colour began to spread across her face in anger you knew you had made a grave mistake. But you just couldn't help yourself; Sirius was your best friend and had always stolen every woman's heart with his devious good looks. It was only typical that he stole the only woman you had ever loved heart as well, no matter how much it hurt. But then this beautiful creature beside you had looked at you with eyes burning with anger and said  
"You'd know perfectly well who I've fallen for, if you weren't too busy feeling sorry for yourself to notice"

The words had stood suspended in mid-air for a few moments and you had to contain the stunned dance of joy that your insides were doing. You wanted to grab her, pick her up and spin her around until you were both dizzy, kiss her until lack of air made you a different kind of dizzy. The moment you had wanted to arrive for ages had finally come and it was every bit as sweet as you'd imagined. She was still looking at you, those innocent eyes not yet scared with all that your own were. She was sacred and delicate, untainted by the bitter truth of war. The thought stopped your insides dance at once and set your hopes ablaze.  
Angry at yourself you turned away, feeling the colour fill your cheeks, causing your cheeks to burn red. You didn't know what to feel, you wanted to cry and sob, something you had not let yourself do in years. It wasn't fair, but you'd learnt years ago that life wasn't fair.  
You should have prepared for this moment. Sirius warned you it might happen, that the pink haired beauty beside you was doing nothing to disguise what she felt for you, and yet you hadn't let yourself hope. Women like her didn't fall in love with men like you, especially men who weren't really men at all. Half breeds like you didn't deserve love. Looking back on it now you could see what Sirius meant, she had kissed you, of all people, under the mistletoe at Christmas and came bouncing up the stairs after full moons to rant about the ministry and make you smile when you needed it most.  
Your heavy heart told you that were just her being friendly, so you turned a blind eye to her advances, but could not bring yourself to tear away from her company. That was something you loved about her, she was friendly to everyone and was incredibly witty, no matter what mood she was in she would go out of her way to see other people smile. Though she could turn into whatever she pleased she stuck to her own appearance and you thought she was wonderfully beautiful regardless of how she morphed. There weren't enough people like her and yet that's what made her so perfect. Her bright personality was as rare as her metamorphagus abilities and this rare woman loved you. She was the only woman you had ever felt this way about. Sure, you had had crushes like every school boy did, but it was never love like the love you harbour for her. She made your days brighter with her smile and her laugh was music to your ears, you never wanted to leave her company and whenever you got a free moment your mind would fly straight back to glorious thoughts of her. It terrified you and amazed you all at once.  
In hindsight you should have been more careful, you should have dragged yourself away from her, gave her no reason to believe that you liked her back. But you didn't, you couldn't. You gave her comfort when she needed it in the form of bottomless cups of tea and listened to everything she ever had to say. You even looked after her when she was ill and made sure you were together for long missions such as this one.  
"Remus?" she asked quietly, sounding nervous yet still as strong as ever.  
You didn't deserve her. You couldn't afford to buy her extravagant gifts or take her to interesting places. Your clothes were ripped and darned multiple times and your hair was prematurely struck with hard grey lines, keeping up with Nymphadora Tonks would be near impossible. But you wanted to try, dear merlin you wanted to try but you knew you couldn't. you loved her too much to reduce her to that .Your lycanthropy had damaged your parents' marriage right before your eyes, making your mother pale and drawn as she was dragged from place to place to protect herself and her monstrous son from something she couldn't understand. It had broken her, you couldn't let that happen to the only woman you had ever loved.  
Feigning an innocence that torn your heart to shreds you opened your mouth to speak  
"Tonks … I…" The words struggled to form on your lips "I don't know what you're talking about  
you turned away and closed your eyes so you couldn't see the dejected look upon Nymphadora Tonks' face as her shoulders slumped sadly and every bone cried out for you to hold her.

**{A/N: Thank you for reading, this one didn't come as easily as Tonks' did. **_**Please**_** make my day and review. }  
{I also went back and corrected the numerous spelling mistakes that were in the first chapter.  
Thanks}**


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